Every now and then I hit a rut with the Project, and I never know where it’s gonna come from, but I’m in a rut right now and it seems to be entirely about my having to write about Oklahoma!, and not wanting to.
No idea why I’m so averse to this, why I’ve got this vibe like it’ll be somehow actually painful to sit, and think, and write about this otherwise innocuous and enjoyable musical, but I think it might be something to do with the fact that, as my life’s gotten busier lately with the second job and the podcast and the long fiction thing I’m working on, I suddenly feel, when writing about movies, that I’m engaging with something, a real “text,” and therefore have to be held more accountable than when I’m just telling a story. Because the movie is something that You, personally, could go and check out for yourself. You could then bring your own impressions of Oklahoma! to my essay about Oklahoma!, compare those impressions, and realize that I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about.
If I’m writing, on the other hand, about the guys outside my apartment who are homeless, who sleep on the sidewalk or in the hedge in front of my neighboring building, that’s kinda just…conversation. Like you can come at me and question it, but you don’t live next to it like I do. I can craft that whole situation in the way that I can’t really craft a critical essay.
It’s the difference between creating and interpreting.
Accountability—the essence of adulthood—is what scares me away from writing about movies in general.
Whatever the case, I’m sure to run into this issue again, and I think I’ll call it The Oklahoma Rut.