What’s the broad-strokes idea of what you do as a profile polisher?Online dating has become the norm for dating in 2019. 20% of current relationships started online either app based or on an online dating website. My goal is help people put their best face forward. I get to know my client, select their BEST attributes and photos, and revamp their online dating profiles to match. It’s a simple process, but I’ve found most people are too embarrassed to ask a friend for help. I’m an objective outside party who will give honest feedback and advice from personal experience. Once I update their profile, I offer “Match Coaching” until they get their first date. I help them get through the first few conversations, and am available through their first date. I’m the friend they can text in the bathroom when they aren’t sure what to do.
How much time do you spend on different dating platforms before you feel confident offering counsel? Have you found that each dating platform calls for a different etiquette, or do you feel that most of your polishing tips are universal?
That’s a good question. I haven’t dated on every dating platform, however I have dated and had experience with many different types. They tend to fall into a few different categories; The App Based: Swipers (Tinder, Bumble), App Based Tappers (Hinge, Zoosk, Coffee Meets Bagel) Online Profile Free/Paid (Plenty of Fish, OkCupid, Eharmony, Match, Etc) and the newest in the game Elite Apps like “The League”.I find that most clients are looking for an actual relationship and while they have Swipers and Tappers, they will also be on a paid online profile. Etiquette is roughly the same platform to platform, but profile length (typed characters allowed) varies.
If a client says they’re just trying to hookup, rather than start a relationship, do you take a different approach in how they craft their profile? What’s the difference?
To be honest, I’ve never had a client NOT looking for a relationship except for one… He was married and was trying to get advice from me on how to discreetly cheat on his wife. I referred to him AshleyMadison.com and told him our policy is to work only with single clients. However, if I did have a client who wasn’t looking for something serious it’s still a similar approach. The only difference would be my “Match Coaching” strategy. I encourage my clients to be forthright with their intentions early on in their conversations, but NOT in their profile. That’s a good way to get the X before you’ve had a chance to say hello.
What’s the most involved you’ve gotten with a client? You’re helping them craft some intimate content, I’d imagine it’s not uncommon for a consultation to turn into a therapy session.
I have some clients who are extremely inexperienced with dating or have gone through some previous heartbreak or relationship hardships. Consultations have absolutely gotten personal, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. If you want me to help you, you have to be honest with me about what’s really going through your head, where you’ve been and where you want to go. I’ve had to encourage a client to seek out professional therapy and put dating on the back burner. It meant losing a client, but it was what was best for her until she was in a healthier state of mind and ready to date.
What’s the most consistent issue you see in people’s profiles?
Males? Photos. Choosing pictures where we can’t see what you look like (e.g. all photos in sunglasses), far away from the camera, all photos are group shots and we don’t know which one you are, or my favorite all time face palm…holding a dead animal. Men can be pretty terrible at choosing the best photo representations of themselves.For Women? Again, photos but for a different reason. Filters with animal faces or that make your eyes huge. Hiding your body type. Using photos from 5 years and 60lbs ago. Not giving a clear representation of what they look like NOW. Also, being TOO picky on their profile. I only want someone 6″10, Green Eyes, Body of Thor, Doctor, makeing $1.5-1.56M a year. You know the type…
Your Instagram page is fascinating, you’ve crafted all of these infographics that show the data that’s been gleaned from dating platforms (“You are 11.3% more likely to date someone with the same initials as you”). Of all the data you’ve looked at, have you come across anything that really took you by surprise? Like finding that women do this more than men, or people over 40 prefer one kind of approach over another.
SUPPOSEDLY, a copy and pasted message sent to multiple parties to start conversations on dating sites is 75% as effective as writing an original message when it comes to rate of reply. That seems crazy to me. I can tell immediately when I’m getting a copy and pasted message and I’m not a fan. I would assume other people would notice as well and it would be a turn off…apparently I’m the only one who wants to feel special. Maybe I’ll start crafting copy and paste messages for my clients to use!
I’m on three different platforms at the moment, which feels kinda desperate, but I’m finding lately that almost everyone I match with is also on one or both of the others. Would you encourage clients to cast a large net, or are you more a fan of going all in on one?
I usually operate on a couple platforms at a time when I’m on the market. Rule of thumb is to operate under the idea of 1 in 1 out rule. If you’re adding a new dating app, one needs to go! I recommend 3 at a time max. Anymore than that and your brain will turn to mush and your finger will be permanently stiff from swiping.However, if you’re on a paid app/site I would encourage you to focus the majority of your attention there, in order to the get the most bang for your buck.
It seems that newer dating apps are more popular with our generation, Millennials, than the old school “profile” sites like OkCupid and Match and eHarmony. Do you think the two formats just appeal to different age groups, or do you think that the full MySpace-style dating profile will soon disappear?
The Millennials (I am also a Millenial) have a couple of things going for them that make them more app based. 1. We’re all about instant gratification; the faster we can meet a match, have a connection, and get on a date the better. 2. Tech Addicted Annnnnd A Bit Lazy; we are on our phones all the time. It is almost too much work to boot up a computer, spend time crafting a profile, then wait for a message. The older generations are used to snail mail and pen pals, Millenials get upset when our website takes more than a millisecond to load. The older generation also tend to be less trusting of people they’ve met online. Sometimes it takes a bit of time to convince an older client that it’s safe to put their information out there and communicate with someone they’ve never met. They have a bit more stranger danger.
I think both platforms have their place in the dating scene and aren’t going anywhere soon. At least I hope not… I’ll be out of clients.